Thanks, but no thanks...

Let's be clear! Just because I don't have a boyfriend doesn't mean you get to feel sorry for me! Who the hell says I want a boyfriend anyway?(well besides me when I'm being whingey - but that's more inane social chatter than anything else, like whinging bout the weather or old people talking bout the deaths on the road - it doesn't mean anything). Seriously though, while I appreciate the sentiment behind people attempting to set me up or console me or give me *grits teeth* advice - don't bother. I'm only a baba and a happy baba at that.

Now, if I do happen to click with someone, well and good - I'll consider things... But even then... Any of the romantic avenues I've decided to pursue in the past have invariably taken one of three routes to nowhere:

Scenario 1. It's not boy, it's me...

Girl meets boy. Boy seems nice. Girl thinks boy is prefectly ok. Boy expresses romantic interest in girl. Girl is flattered and reciprocates. Things go fine, girl gets bored, girl says goodbye.*

*Sometimes boy is less than willing to accept this and persists in stalking girl. Girl does not respond well. At all.

Scenario 2. It's not me, it's boy..

Girl meets boy. Girl likes boy, boy likes girl. Things go swimmingly. Everything falls apart and boy is revealed to be slightly (very) left of all that is good and decent in the world.

Scenario 3. It's not boy, it's not me, it's murphy's motherfocking law...

Girl meets boy. Girl thinks boy is the bees' knees and thrushes' ankles. Boy holds girl in similar high regard, considering her to be the cat's pyjamas. Both girl and boy prevaricate. Situation is hindered by something or other and grows complicated. People interfere. Boy/girl expresses interest, is shot down and loses interest. Soon after, other party regains interst and expresses it, only to to be shot down. Things flip and flop back and forth as such for a while...typically over a period of months (and once even years). Matters are painfully obvious to everyone. Everyone. Eventually however, the whole will-they-wont-they situation is laid to rest in the graveyard of friendship and is looked back on and laughed at. *

*Health Warning: Scenario 3 is not actually as much fun as it sounds... it involves copious amounts of head games and disappointment on both sides - but hey, it's better than scenario 2...


But it's ok, don't worry, I haven't completely renounced romance because there's still another scenario which, although hitherto unexperienced by me, I understand from the amount of telly and films I watch will eventually happen:

Scenario 4. A proper honest-to-god romance...

This scenario sees our by now beloved heroine the Girl meet Boy. Girl and boy click (ususally after a preiod of often hilarious misunderstandings, encounters and disagreement - frustration turns to attraction). Connection is completely unexpected but obvious to all. For cinematic value, scenario often pans out as per scenario 3 - but only up until one headwrecking point, which is followed by the climax of the film, I mean, real-life situation in which Girl and Boy realise there's little point in fighting it anymore and they...wait for it....kiss! SO worth the wait! And they all live happily ever after. Or for a while anyway until they amicably and mutually part ways and noone gets hurt. ahem. Oh ya and somewhere in there before the kiss, boy comes up to girl in a crowded bar, full of his airforce buddies (ok, I'll settle for accountants, electricians, whatever...), and gets them to help him serenade her with 'You've lost that loving feeeling, wooooooah that loving feeling...'

*laboured but contented sigh*
But that could be years off, if at all, so until then - give over, I'm fine as I am thank you very much!

Oh ya and to the two people that think scenario3 is about them:

Boy 1 - ya, twas gas but thank god it's over....
Boy 2 - don't be so sure of yourself, it's probably not even about you...